(love to love you)<3

2003-02-04T14:13:00.000-08:00

posts that are being reposted due to crapualdifficulties!

5/26/2002 11:09:22 AM | l0vie :o]
Heya! <33's

Miss me, miss me, now ya gottah? *SMOOCHES!* hehe.
Yes. I'm in a good mood. Everyone mark this day on the
calender. *GRINS* :p I dunno why, though.. but.. there's
nothing like having your heart ripped out and trampled
and then having it temporally mended again, no? The
weather helps too, hhehhe.

So yeah, I was at Josh's for the weekend.. heh.. and
lemmi tell you it is certinally a weekend I'll
never forget, and I'm not sure if that's a good or bad
thing.. heh. Eh.. you know what I mean. *THWAP* ;0

Hum de dum.

'OOK! I'm
An honest answer is just like a kiss on the lips.. <

Y'know.. I use to think that I'd rather hear a lie that brings a
smile rather then the truth that brings a tear... but now, I
know that if you get the lie you'll end up with double the tears
when you find out the truth.. because well all know by now
the truth does prevail. I dont get why people lie so much
sometimes.. and what I really dont get is
how people can forgive and forget.. and it's really confusing
to me as well because I'm one of them. :\ I just cant stress
enough on how important the truth is in any kind of relationship,
and i'd just like to say thanks to Dave for being the truth
when nobody else could. :D <33's.

[5/17/2002 5:52:36 AM | l0vie :o]
My life lyrics.

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Baby I don't know why ya treatin me so bad
You said you love me, no one above me
And I was all you had
And though my heart is eating for ya
I can't stop crying
I don't know how
I allow you to treat me this way and still i stay

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Baby I don't know why ya wanna do me wrong
See when I'm home, I'm all alone
And you are always gone
And boy, you know I really love you
I can't deny
I can't see how you could bring me to so many tears
after all these years

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Oohhhhh
I trusted you, I trusted you
So sad, so sad
what love will make you do
all the things that we accept
be the things that we regret
too all of my ladies (ladies) feel me
c'mon sing wit me

See, when I get the strength to leave
You always tell me that you need me
And I'm weak cause I believe you
And I'm mad because I love you
So I stop and think that maybe
You can learn to appreciate me
Then it all remains the same that
You ain't never gonna change
(never gonna change, never gonna change)

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Baby why you hurt me leave me and desert me
Boy I gave you all my heart
And all you do is tear it up
Looking out my window
Knowing that I should go
Even when I pack my bags
This something always hold me back

[5/17/2002 5:41:32 AM | l0vie :o]
Song:No M00sik!
Mood:

Heylo!

Eep. It's like 9:30 on thursday morning and I just woke up. Ahh, what it feels like to be able to sleep in. ;) I'm at Carrie's right now.. because I have to go to work in a few moments.. well.. I have to get ready anywyas. hehehe..

Oh right... I was going to tell you about Mother's day.. well.. Kell and I got up and went down to nana's.. and then at 11, we went over to Josh's church where he sang a song that he wrote for my mother that I couldn't listen to before this.. and he sang it with his Jr. choir.. It was just amazing.. it's my favorite song of his.. Maybe he'll let me throw the lyrics up here sometime.. I'll ask.

Hmm, I'm on my cousin Matt's comptuer right now.. Mhhwhaha.. he's in Mrtl for a scouting camp thingie-ma-bob.. The guy from the New York mets wants to see him play s'more.. I think it's totally awesome. :D Hmm. what else t'tell yae.

Oh! Chris is in the hospital! :( He fell down some stairs and broke parts in his virtibrae, 4 bones in his face and apperently one of those bones fractured his skull and he's got air and blood around his brain as well. As soon as I heard I took off for the hospital, well, after talking to some super bitch over the phone from there. I didn't exactly know what I was going to say or anything, not that I cared so I bought him a little golden retriver in the Hospital shop and brought it into him. He liked it. :) He was still being his same ol' self though.. I was like.. WHAT are you doing in here!? he was like.. I heard the food was good! so he was being as normal as he could, but didn't look too good. :( Poor thing.. he's such a sweetheart.. <3's

Anyways, I'm getting bored of this now.. I think i'm going to play with it for a little bit. :p So yeah.. BYE! :D

Samantha's problem of the day: Y'know.. I really hate when people are sulky. UGH. It irratates me to no end. Like when they complain and commmmmplainnnnn omgf! JUST KILL YOURSELF!@$! :p lol jk.
[edit]

[5/14/2002 6:58:53 PM | l0vie :o]
BLAH.

Can't stay long.. it's past my bed time! BUT YAAAAAAAY GO LEAFFFFFFS! :D Mwha.

OH! And today was like totally awesome.. I was at the school in Sackville and then I went to this afterschool daycare program and it was loads of fun. :D The kiddos are soooo cute. :p It's the closest I'd ever come to having kids.. hehehehe.. but yeah, they said I was such a good help that they want to hire me and stuff! :D YAY! so I'm just going there a few days a week to check it all out and stuff... so I'm going there on Thursday and friday again.. w00p! anyways.. I'm tired! so I GTG! :D <33's

[5/13/2002 4:36:39 PM | l0vie :o]
Song: Eh.. nothing.
Mood:

Heylo.. Eh.. s'been awhile eh? Yeah, I know I was nagged forever to write in this thing again but I just couldn't bring myself around to it.. Didn't really have anything to write about and I really dont have, well, I dont feel like writting anything right now.. I'm in a horribly blah mood and my hands are freezing, and I cannot see the keyboard and I'm too lazy to trun on a light. Humpf.

I'm at my aunts right now, it feels like the closest thing to home I can get to nowadays. Sometimes, I feel like a burden, and I really dont have anyone I really feel like I can talk to anymore.. I find that if I try, I always end up talking about what's wrong with them, not that I care really, it's just a lot to deal with, so I dont really do that anymore..

I'm not really on here that much anymore.. not that I really care.. but you might.. I like taking care of my little cousins and such.. at "home" in dartmouth there was nothing really t'do besides argue with my father which is what happened the other day.. ~Sigh..~ I really hate when he gets pissed off. Because when he does, he always gets after me and picks at me until he gets a reaction out of me. Because I find the best thing to do when someoen is pissed off and in a procrastnation mood is to just leave them alone, well apperently, my dad likes to get a rise out of me, and he ususally doesn't that way. So, I'm never allowed to drive his car, not insured on it anymore, and he's never driving me anywhere, and I'm never allowed to use his cable internet again. ~Shrugs..~

So, one day this week, my aunt Trinda, my nana and I are going to Sackville to pick out a headstone. Nothing like kicking you when you're down.

So, I saw this movie called Unfaithful the other day and it concluded my choice to never get married or have kids. Just thought I'd let everyone know.. heh. :o

I wonder if you know.. that I feel like a piece of dirt right now.. and I wonder if this person knows.. if feels like they keep making me smaller and smaller.. I wonder if they also know.. that they're the only person that cam make me feel tall again..

2003-02-02T19:06:00.000-08:00

Song. : Jewel - Foolish games..
Mood. : So, super confused.

*Sigh* My stomach is in knots... I feel like I'm going to throw up again, I don't know wtf is going on. I want to sleep, but I just toss and turn, I want to get sick to make it better, but all the barfing in the world won't make me feel better, I want to talk to people but I don't know how.. I'm sorry I don't know how. :\

JUST STOP NAGGING ME!@!@!!

On the plus side, I have my Eminem posters up. :o

Look.

2003-02-02T11:04:00.000-08:00

rawr..

I totally forgot about this accout! *SQUEEZE*

Mmmmm.. It's raining outside.. it hasn't been raining for quite some time.. always snow.. s'nice.. *huggs teh rain* Don't leaf! :)

My dad just showed me this little email thingie he got.. it's called.. okay.. it doesn't have a freakin' title on it.. but it's about the niddle classed famlies spending like 160,140$ from when a child is born to becoming 18. And it shows you what you get for all the money. I'll get the email and post it up here when I'm finished.. It's neat.

I haven't been taking my pills lately.. and my back is killing me, too... I hate pills, and everyone that knows me knows that.. I really tried to take them I just.. hate it. gah. I've been sick.. and I don't know if it had anything to do witht he pills.. but now that I'm off of them for a day or so.. I feel better.. *shrugs* We'll see.

Okay. Why the hell didn't I know that Alaska was a part of America? St00pid russians.

I think I'm going to go and watch Dirty Dancing again... ttyl.

2002-05-26T11:09:00.000-07:00

Heya! <33's

Miss me, miss me, now ya gottah? *SMOOCHES!* hehe.
Yes. I'm in a good mood. Everyone mark this day on the
calender. *GRINS* :p I dunno why, though.. but.. there's
nothing like having your heart ripped out and trampled
and then having it temporally mended again, no? The
weather helps too, hhehhe.

So yeah, I was at Josh's for the weekend.. heh.. and
lemmi tell you it is certinally a weekend I'll
never forget, and I'm not sure if that's a good or bad
thing.. heh. Eh.. you know what I mean. *THWAP* ;0

Hum de dum.

'OOK! I'm
An honest answer is just like a kiss on the lips.. <

Y'know.. I use to think that I'd rather hear a lie that brings a
smile rather then the truth that brings a tear... but now, I
know that if you get the lie you'll end up with double the tears
when you find out the truth.. because well all know by now
the truth does prevail. I dont get why people lie so much
sometimes.. and what I really dont get is
how people can forgive and forget.. and it's really confusing
to me as well because I'm one of them. :\ I just cant stress
enough on how important the truth is in any kind of relationship,
and i'd just like to say thanks to Dave for being the truth
when nobody else could. :D <33's.

2002-05-26T11:06:00.000-07:00

Heya! <33's

Miss me, miss me, now ya gottah? *SMOOCHES!* hehe. Yes. I'm in a good mood. Everyone mark this day on the calender. *GRINS* :p I dunno why, though.. but.. there's nothing like having your heart ripped out and trampled and then having it temporally mended again, no? The weather helps too, hhehhe.

So yeah, I was at Josh's for the weekend.. heh.. and lemmi tell you it is certinally a weekend I'll never forget, and I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing.. heh. Eh.. you know what I mean. *THWAP* ;0

Hum de dum.

'OOK! I'm

An honest answer is just like a kiss on the lips..

Y'know.. I use to think that I'd rather hear a lie that brings a smile rather then the truth that brings a tear... but now, I know that if you get the lie you'll end up with double the tears when you find out the truth.. because well all know by now the truth does prevail. I dont get why people lie so much sometimes.. and what I really dont get is how people can forgive and forget.. and it's really confusing to me as well because I'm one of them. :\ I just cant stress enough on how important the truth is in any kind of relationship, and i'd just like to say thanks to Dave for being the truth when nobody else could. :D <33's.

2002-05-26T10:58:00.000-07:00

Song: ErM. Breaking news? -_^;
Mood:

Heya! <33's

Miss me, miss me, now ya gottah? *SMOOCHES!* hehe. Yes. I'm in a good mood. Everyone mark this day on the calender. *GRINS* :p I dunno why, though.. but.. there's nothing like having your heart ripped out and trampled and then having it temporally mended again, no? The weather helps too, hhehhe.

So yeah, I was at Josh's for the weekend.. heh.. and lemmi tell you it is certinally a weekend I'll never forget, and I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing.. heh. Eh.. you know what I mean. *THWAP* ;0

Hum de dum.

'OOK! I'm

An honest answer is just like a kiss on the lips..

Y'know.. I use to think that I'd rather hear a lie that brings a smile rather then the truth that brings a tear... but now, I know that if you get the lie you'll end up with double the tears when you find out the truth.. because well all know by now the truth does prevail. I dont get why people lie so much sometimes.. and what I really dont get is how people can forgive and forget.. and it's really confusing to me as well because I'm one of them. :\ I just cant stress enough on how important the truth is in any kind of relationship, and i'd just like to say thanks to Dave for being the truth when nobody else could. :D <33's.

2002-05-26T10:46:00.000-07:00
Song: ErM. Breaking news? -_^;
Mood:

Heya! <33's

Miss me, miss me, now ya gottah? *SMOOCHES!* hehe. Yes. I'm in a good mood. Everyone mark this day on the calender. *GRINS* :p I dunno why, though.. but.. there's nothing like having your heart ripped out and trampled and then having it temporally mended again, no? The weather helps too, hhehhe.

So yeah, I was at Josh's for the weekend.. heh.. and lemmi tell you it is certinally a weekend I'll never forget, and I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing.. heh. Eh.. you know what I mean. *THWAP* ;0

Hum de dum.

'OOK! I'm 30% LESZBOOO!!! :p MwHAah. OMF! I wonder what it's called when you're infactuated with YOURSELF! hehaW! that's mE! ahaHAha okidone.

An honest answer is just like a kiss on the lips..

Y'know.. I use to think that I'd rather hear a lie that brings a smile rather then the truth that brings a tear... but now, I know that if you get the lie you'll end up with double the tears when you find out the truth.. because well all know by now the truth does prevail. I dont get why people lie so much sometimes.. and what I really dont get is how people can forgive and forget.. and it's really confusing to me as well because I'm one of them. :\ I just cant stress enough on how important the truth is in any kind of relationship, and i'd just like to say thanks to Dave for being the truth when nobody else could. :D <33's.

2002-05-17T05:52:00.000-07:00
My life lyrics.

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Baby I don't know why ya treatin me so bad
You said you love me, no one above me
And I was all you had
And though my heart is eating for ya
I can't stop crying
I don't know how
I allow you to treat me this way and still i stay

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Baby I don't know why ya wanna do me wrong
See when I'm home, I'm all alone
And you are always gone
And boy, you know I really love you
I can't deny
I can't see how you could bring me to so many tears
after all these years

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Oohhhhh
I trusted you, I trusted you
So sad, so sad
what love will make you do
all the things that we accept
be the things that we regret
too all of my ladies (ladies) feel me
c'mon sing wit me

See, when I get the strength to leave
You always tell me that you need me
And I'm weak cause I believe you
And I'm mad because I love you
So I stop and think that maybe
You can learn to appreciate me
Then it all remains the same that
You ain't never gonna change
(never gonna change, never gonna change)

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Baby why you hurt me leave me and desert me
Boy I gave you all my heart
And all you do is tear it up
Looking out my window
Knowing that I should go
Even when I pack my bags
This something always hold me back

2002-05-17T05:41:00.000-07:00
Song:No M00sik!
Mood:

Heylo!

Eep. It's like 9:30 on thursday morning and I just woke up. Ahh, what it feels like to be able to sleep in. ;) I'm at Carrie's right now.. because I have to go to work in a few moments.. well.. I have to get ready anywyas. hehehe..

Oh right... I was going to tell you about Mother's day.. well.. Kell and I got up and went down to nana's.. and then at 11, we went over to Josh's church where he sang a song that he wrote for my mother that I couldn't listen to before this.. and he sang it with his Jr. choir.. It was just amazing.. it's my favorite song of his.. Maybe he'll let me throw the lyrics up here sometime.. I'll ask.

Hmm, I'm on my cousin Matt's comptuer right now.. Mhhwhaha.. he's in Mrtl for a scouting camp thingie-ma-bob.. The guy from the New York mets wants to see him play s'more.. I think it's totally awesome. :D Hmm. what else t'tell yae.

Oh! Chris is in the hospital! :( He fell down some stairs and broke parts in his virtibrae, 4 bones in his face and apperently one of those bones fractured his skull and he's got air and blood around his brain as well. As soon as I heard I took off for the hospital, well, after talking to some super bitch over the phone from there. I didn't exactly know what I was going to say or anything, not that I cared so I bought him a little golden retriver in the Hospital shop and brought it into him. He liked it. :) He was still being his same ol' self though.. I was like.. WHAT are you doing in here!? he was like.. I heard the food was good! so he was being as normal as he could, but didn't look too good. :( Poor thing.. he's such a sweetheart.. <3's

Anyways, I'm getting bored of this now.. I think i'm going to play with it for a little bit. :p So yeah.. BYE! :D

Samantha's problem of the day: Y'know.. I really hate when people are sulky. UGH. It irratates me to no end. Like when they complain and commmmmplainnnnn omgf! JUST KILL YOURSELF!@$! :p lol jk.

2002-05-14T18:58:00.000-07:00
BLAH.

Can't stay long.. it's past my bed time! BUT YAAAAAAAY GO LEAFFFFFFS! :D Mwha.

OH! And today was like totally awesome.. I was at the school in Sackville and then I went to this afterschool daycare program and it was loads of fun. :D The kiddos are soooo cute. :p It's the closest I'd ever come to having kids.. hehehehe.. but yeah, they said I was such a good help that they want to hire me and stuff! :D YAY! so I'm just going there a few days a week to check it all out and stuff... so I'm going there on Thursday and friday again.. w00p! anyways.. I'm tired! so I GTG! :D <33's

2002-05-13T16:36:00.000-07:00
Song: Eh.. nothing.
Mood:

Heylo.. Eh.. s'been awhile eh? Yeah, I know I was nagged forever to write in this thing again but I just couldn't bring myself around to it.. Didn't really have anything to write about and I really dont have, well, I dont feel like writting anything right now.. I'm in a horribly blah mood and my hands are freezing, and I cannot see the keyboard and I'm too lazy to trun on a light. Humpf.

I'm at my aunts right now, it feels like the closest thing to home I can get to nowadays. Sometimes, I feel like a burden, and I really dont have anyone I really feel like I can talk to anymore.. I find that if I try, I always end up talking about what's wrong with them, not that I care really, it's just a lot to deal with, so I dont really do that anymore..

I'm not really on here that much anymore.. not that I really care.. but you might.. I like taking care of my little cousins and such.. at "home" in dartmouth there was nothing really t'do besides argue with my father which is what happened the other day.. ~Sigh..~ I really hate when he gets pissed off. Because when he does, he always gets after me and picks at me until he gets a reaction out of me. Because I find the best thing to do when someoen is pissed off and in a procrastnation mood is to just leave them alone, well apperently, my dad likes to get a rise out of me, and he ususally doesn't that way. So, I'm never allowed to drive his car, not insured on it anymore, and he's never driving me anywhere, and I'm never allowed to use his cable internet again. ~Shrugs..~

So, one day this week, my aunt Trinda, my nana and I are going to Sackville to pick out a headstone. Nothing like kicking you when you're down.

So, I saw this movie called Unfaithful the other day and it concluded my choice to never get married or have kids. Just thought I'd let everyone know.. heh. :o

I wonder if you know.. that I feel like a piece of dirt right now.. and I wonder if this person knows.. if feels like they keep making me smaller and smaller.. I wonder if they also know.. that they're the only person that cam make me feel tall again..

2002-03-05T13:54:00.000-08:00
Song: Craig David ~ Seven days..
Mood: ...

Y0'sa..

Mmm... Pissgettiah. ..~giggles, an' rubs my tummah..~ Gewd stuff. I make yummie 'getthies. Hehe. So yeah, yesterday was a little, uhm, fucken' weird to put it lightly.

I got my ticket to upper Canadah!~ YaaAy go me. It was 185. Blah. No more dinners out for manfis anytime soon this month. lol. HMM. Oh.

Then afterwords, I was talking to Josh and he did something that really hurrt. :| *sigh* Oh well. I dont think that I'm going to be able to feel anything in my heart too much longer. =\

Then, around 8 I got really freaked out because I thought that I could smell smoke and I thought that there was carbonmanoxide in the air so I opened up all the windows, and the door, curled up on the couch and talked to dave on the phone till about 3am. I was really freakin' myself out but after awhile talking to him helped a lot..even though he had to get up for skewl in like 3 and a half hours he din' wanna let me gooo.. awhh... ~squezzes j0..~ Thx again huns.. <3

T'day t'day... OHSHIT.

I forgot to post the dave's poeemm.. ~giggles..~ I will right after this. :D

I changed my room around t'day.. and I finally put my mom's picture in there on my dresser, too. I think I cin' look at it without crying now.. I hope.. :) <3

N-E-wayz.
I'ma go talk on the phone, when I do best..~giggle..~

So yeah,
Ttyl.

<3manfis

2002-03-01T20:13:00.000-08:00
Song:little mens dancing in my head. . .
Mood:Sneezie & Coughie.

Heylo folks..

Jus' got back from Britney's... I went over after dinner at Nana's and we got a few movies.. *smile* and jus' hung out.. I'm back at Bine's now.. it's like 12 or something.. I'm so not tired.. Ashley is at Josh's.. and I think I'ma drag his ass back into the city tomorrow.. :D

Damnit..

It feels like there's soemthing in my throught. *swallowswallow* Suck.

AWWWWWWWWWH.

dave wrote me a poooemm! <3 <3 <3 I think I'll post it up tomorrow.. *nodnod* yes. good idea. :D

Blah, I'ma go chat and stuff nows.. TTYL.

<3manfis

2002-02-28T22:49:00.000-08:00
Can't rain all the time. . . Will my tears fall forever. .?

Song: Don't wanna miss a thing ~ Aerosmith
Mood: Lonely, empty, lost.

I just got finished watching the movie Armagedon.. *sigh* I couldn't stop thinking of my momma. I miss her so damnit much I dont even know how to explain it. ..~Wipes the tears from mycheeks, and cuddles my bunnie..~ I just dont' know what I'm going to do without her.. some days it's okay.. and then other's it hits me like a million tons.. I would give -anything- at all, just to see her beautiful face again... I always grew up with the immagery that she was going to be the best grandmother in the whole world.. and that she was going to give me all these tips when I first have a kid... and she was going to be there at my wedding.. All my dreams are shattered now.. I can just hide it better some days then others..

I was looking through my old pictures today mom.. There were many of you.. and one when I was little.. a baby.. you holding me.. you were so happy.. I'm sorry that I made your life sad sometimes.. :| I never ment to make you cry. . . . I dont know what I'm going to do with you not here to catch me momma, I just dont know.. I wish I would have been there with you.. I'm so sorry I let you down.. ..~kisses the wind..~

*sigh* Ron called me today when I was on the phone with Josh.. he asked me if I wanted to come and do more houses with him on Monday and threw the week. He acted as if there wasn't anything that happened. ( Him being a jerk, ect ) My mom always told me he did that but I never got to see it, just like the, "what ron wants, ron gets" attitude. I'm just so tired of fighting.. =\ "When I find myself in times of trouble mother mary comes to me speaking words on wisdom, let it be.. and in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me.. whispering words of wisdom, let it be, let it be, let it be.. "

Tomorrow's firday.. I'm supposed to go to Dave's and to a movie, I think, but my dad wants to go out to the country and such to get the things out of that house for Gumpy. *sigh* I just could crawl up into a hole and sleep eternally.. =\ Britney asked me to come over, too, and so did my nana.. I dont want my dad to actually go in the house.. he'll remember it forever and I dont want that. :| Nothing seems to be going right.

On that note.. I'm off.

We walked the narrow path,
beneath the smoking skies.
Sometimes you can barely tell the difference
between darkness and light.
Do you have faith
in what we believe?
The truest test is when we cannot,
when we cannot see.

I hear pounding feet in the,
in the streets below, and the,
and the women crying and the,
and the children know that there,
that there's something wrong,
and it's hard to belive that love will prevail.

Oh it won't rain all the time.
The sky won't fall forever.
And though the night seems long,
your tears won't fall forever.

Oh, when I'm lonely,
I lie awake at night
and I wish you were here.
I miss you.
Can you tell me
is there something more to belive in?
Or is this all there is?

Last night I had a dream.
You came into my room,
you took me into your arms.
Whispering and kissing me,
and telling me to still belive.
But then the emptiness of a burning sea against which we see
our darkest of sadness.

Until I felt safe and warm.
I fell asleep in your arms.
When I awoke I cried again for you were gone.
Oh, can you hear me?

It won't rain all the time.
The sky won't fall forever.
And though the night seems long,
your tears won't fall forever.
It won't rain all the time
The sky won't fall forever.
And though the night seems long,
your tears won't fall, your tears won't fall,
your tears won't fall
forever.

2002-02-20T22:00:00.000-08:00
..

How did I know t'day was going to be just one of those days.. ? *sighsigh* josh got in some shit in school t'day, and god knows what'll happen tomorrow.. :| I hope everthing is okies.. or I'ma have to TAKE ACTION. Ah wells, I'ma see hym tomorrow anyways. And then on saturday, I'ma go to Michelle's and then to Josh's some kidna show or something. the sunday Jon has a hockey game, and I think I'ma go to that, too. >:)

Also, Joel walding and I were talknig today for the first time in like 3 years. And he told me that he still has troubles with our past. I was like omfg. I din' even know 'bout it. Apperently I was too demanding and controling, and I took advantage of him. Heh. Man, I didn't even know 'till now. :| Pewp.

But woae. I dunno what I would have done tonight without my favorite daveie-pooh. *smilesmilesnuggles* Thx fer always makin' me laugh, huns. >:) God knows, I need it and you're the one that gives it to me, I guess I'm trying to say thx. >:) Although, I think I already did. Hehee.

Okay, I think I'm off for now, I'll catch yew 'round on the morrow..
<3manfis

2002-02-20T07:05:00.000-08:00
Goodmorning.. <3

Today, this morning, I'm feeling kinda of numb. I've been trying to think of some things that would usually make a sharp pain through my chest, but, as I said, I'm kinda of numb. :| So I tried to write a bit and this is what I pulled outta the hat...

My bones are tired,
Daddy . . .

My bones are tired, daddy
I don't get enough sleep.
Yes, I left the lights on, daddy.
What's that say about me?

My grip is still shaking from that day, daddy
I think I'm falling in love,
Yes, I left the door unlocked, daddy.
what's that say about me?

Sometimes I want to cry, daddy
for everything that momma said that was mean,
I don't know what to do now, daddy,
what's that say about me?

Sometimes I sleep past noon, daddy
I complain a bit too much,
I'm not trying my hardest, daddy
what's that say about me?

I'm your creation, I'm your love, daddy
I'll grow up and be and do all those sick things you said,
I'm just as vunerable as you are, daddy
what's that say about us?

Can't fall asleep tonight,
My bones are tired, daddy. . .

hrm... I think I'm going to go write a bit more... *hugs* Later..
<3manfis

2002-02-19T07:55:00.000-08:00
>:)

Mornin' yo.

It's 11:30 and Josh din' call me YET! :( but he's proally tlaking to Kristin or something coz she said so on msn earlier t'day. *grumble* I dun' like her. I dunno how anyone could. LETS BASH KRISTIN! oki :o Maybe later.

Hehe.. This is fun being on Josh's msn for awhile. I'm talking to peopleS! HAHAHA. I'ma losar so people don't really talk at me much :( *boohoo* *turns on the waterworks* ehehe.

WAOE. I DUN LIKE KRISTIN.
Okay.

rinnngggineeeggngg.
Beepbeppbepppepbpepb.
BUSY!@#1
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!@#!@
*pulls out my beautiful locks* EHEHEHEHE.

Omfg.

kay HAY RANDY! Supsups? SEE! Iem writing 'bout yew DUN CRY PLEASE. Awwh. All better. <3333
:D

lol.

Omfg GOING NOW.

<3babblingmanfis.

2002-02-18T20:00:00.000-08:00
WaoE.

It's 12pm and I'm uber tired. Although it was a good day because I didn't have any of those weird episodes. >:) I'm at my aunts right now coz my dad is at work and I dun wanna be home by myself. :o

I can't wait tae wrap myself up in a nice comfy affgan and go nightnigh. :o and have sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet dreams.. MmmMmMm.

knight.

<3manfis.

2002-02-18T10:11:00.000-08:00
hrM.

Lastnight I freaked myself of hardkore. I had another one of those flashie thingies where I felt like I was freefalling offa' something. >:| Nana said that it might be my circulation, and thinks that I should go and get it checked out. My dad thinks I'm fine and that it's just anexity. I have no clue, all I know is it scares the fuckoutta me. :| Because it not only happened at Josh's place, when I got to nana's it happened again, so my dad came and got me at 12:30. :|

Haven't heard from ron yet, but it really doens't surprise me. *shrug* I saw the list that he made and gave to my grandparents, and it was gross. I almost threw up. :\

Josh is gone to Daniele's grandmother's funeral right now.. seems like everything is falling apart. *sigh*

I think that's it for now, I'm going to go, and give a few people a ring.

<3manfis

2002-02-17T07:02:00.000-08:00
Heylo..

Well, a lot has happened in the last little while, unfortunatly. Hmm.. where to start. Well, on the last monday of January, there was a fire at my mom's house. The toxic smoke that filled the house that night, took my mother's, Allie's and Molly's life. I found out by my grandfather calling the house, I knew there had to have been soemthing wrong because he never calls, it's always my grandmother, and it was 11 at night so I knew, and I asked him what was wrong and he just kept asking for my dad. About 20 minutes before the call, I was putting up posters on my wall and I got this feeling... more of a thought.. that my mom died.. but I just wrote it off as nothing... didn't call... didn't do anything... just kept putting up my posters as it was mearly another one of my tactless ramblings. When my father told me over the phone it was like, something... something was missing.. it was like I had to push myself to cry.. I feel to the floor, it was like the room was spinning in throusands of directions, and I was in the center, but I didn't speak. I was blocking everything out that was around me.. I could hear my dad saying, repeting threw tears, "No, no no no no samantha NO! No, this can't be happning, NO!" I didn't know what to say, I was numb, lost for words, I wasn't with it. The first thing I did was try and call my friend, Jen, and there was no answer.

So off we went to my grandmother's.. my Aunt Trin was there, she's the first person I saw as I approached the door, she took me and I hugged her and cried for atleast 20 minutes. We came in, and I walked over to Gumpy and gave him a hug, too. Then, I noticed that my grandmother wasn't there, I asked where she was... Trin told me that she went to Kellie's, my aunt, to break the news. At first I thought that was really nice, but then about a week later, I was thinking about it, and I thought why she went to Kellie's and not to me. I'm not trying to be selfish or anything but that was my mother and I was the one that could have been picked up outta my black hole that night by her, and she didn't think of me first. That really still hurts, and I think that makes it worse for me, I didn't mention it, but I will someday and tell her that, it really effected me, because it has indeed. I guess, I dunno, I'm not use to coming first, but I was with my mother and I just kinda thought that nana would.. I dunno, it was her choice. :|

Anyway, my mom was burried in The Gates of Heaven, in Sackville. My grandmother's father is there, too. It's going to cost almost 300 to burrie Allie and Molly in the vally but they deserve the best, of course. It's right beside my aunt Kell's doggie.. Chomper. *heh* She was such a cutie.

My aunt and uncle were talking to me the other day about what the house now looks like. Don was telling me actually because he was the one that was there.. he said stuff about it but not really to any depth. *sigh* I still had to take a gravol that morning though, and she came to see me, and I'm really happy for her, and all my family. But, I was alergic to gravol and I had an alergic reaction to it and I had a panic attack. It was extreamly trippy though, because I thought that I had the feeling that my mom had before, a month before she died when she was hainv gher problems with seizures. Sickness like that really scares me, I think that was the hardest part of my life that I've ever went trhough, and I've been through some shit. :| I was talkg to my dad after the day she had her first on in the mall, and I told him that it happened for a reason, and now I know why. I dind't then, but I do now. Although I wouldn't have wanted her to have the fears and pains of that, I'm glad she did though, for her sake and mine. :o

Oh, and I now have the chicken pox. :| Heh, there's worse things though, eh ?

I just got a call from my Aunt Trin and she told me that Gumpy is going to go down to the house tomorrow, and that he will get everything that he can outta there. Ron called and said he wanted this and this and this and that. I was like WAOE, hold on a minute here, it's not a fuckin' yard sale. So I told him that he's going to have to wait like everyone else and that he'd get his stuff, but just not tomorrow, and he got all pissed off and hung up on me. :| Oh, right before he said, " Samantha, I thought I was being a nice guy by giving that ring you have on your finger to you." Like omfg. This was my mother's damnit ring, it wasn't yours to give. Hpft.

Blah, I think I'ma go down there today a bit later or something just to see what's going on, and how they're doin'. >:|

Yeah, so Im off, till I write again.

Happy oranges and lollipops -
<3Manfis